#100 Mini-Vacations

I just got back from a mini-road trip to Portland. I went to spend some time with one of my best friends, Kim. (well, actually this picture was taking when we went on an even "mini"-er vacation--to Bellevue...if you've never taken a vacation to the same city you live in, I highly recommend it, just to see the hotel clerk's look of confusion when you tell her where you're from) We didn't do anything crazy exciting...we mostly spent the time talking and playing with her nieces. By some people's standards, it might seem a little boring, but it was exactly what I needed. I needed someone to talk to, to share my spiritual insights with, and most importantly, to UNDERSTAND me.

My friend Dave once asked me if I got frustrated because not many people take the time to understand me. He said I was one of the most intriguing people he'd ever met, but it took some time to understand me. At the time, I don't think I even understood myself well enough to understand people didn't understand me, but now, I definitely feel that frustration. I feel there are few people in my life right now who really "get me." And that's why I was so willing to drive 3 1/2 hours to spend a day with Kim. Heck, I probably would've driven farther if I had to.

One of the things Kim and I talked about was prayer. I recently heard Elder Kevin D. Pearson speak. He said something to the effect of, "Have you ever prayed something, and not only didn't get what you wanted, but got the worst possible situation?" Oh, have I ever. This year has been living proof of that. I can't even count the days I spent crying. There was the day I went to the temple, only I didn't even make it inside. I cried and cried and told God that if this is what it takes to be a daughter of God, I didn't want it. My conversation with Kim got me thinking about the ways I need to improve my prayers so that I am really bending my will to God's. It's not an easy thing, I've discovered. : )

Another thing Kim and I talked about was our ability to love perfectly. By the world's standards, I sometimes wonder if I can ever love someone the way my parents love each other, or the way my sister loves her husband. I have dated some very, very amazing guys. And yet, it has always frustrated me that I felt I didn't love them as much as they deserved. Don't get me wrong. I cared very, very deeply, so deeply in fact that I'm not sure my heart can ever be completely healed. But I've always questioned my ability to love purely and perfectly. And then Kim reminded me of something. Just because we have this vision of ourselves as imperfect beings, does not mean that this is the vision that God sees of us. Who are we to say that just because we can't ever picture ourselves loving as perfectly as God loves, that we cannot become beings of perfect love? Especially with the help of the Atonement.

So much introspection, so much truth, so much growth. What a weekend.